Girl power

Sep 24

One of my favorite quotes is “Women belong in all places where decisions are being made.” Why is it, then, that so often women’s decisions about themselves are overwritten during birth? My dear client, K, hired me for her fourth birth. Having her first as a teen with no support system, she stepped into the industry of having babies with an experience in which she wasn’t heard, valued or held.

By her fourth she had yet to have the birth experience she wanted, but she had built a support team around herself. She says, “I was adamant this time that I was going to have the birth that I wanted, and nobody was going to stop me. I spent my entire pregnancy debating homebirth versus birthing center, and ultimately chose the birthing center because of the calm homeopathic environment. However, at the end of my pregnancy I had a lot of stress and blood pressure issues, so I ultimately chose to go get monitored at a hospital.”

K labors with her husband and doula on her birthing ball.

When I arrived at the hospital, K was already in active labor and heading swiftly towards her transition. Her incredible husband never sat down once and was physically connected to her almost the entire time. Her doula, Nikki Reeves, intuitively guided K through the pain and fear, hand feeding her ice chips and keeping her focused. K’s incredible nurse, Nurse Robinson, was firm and encouraging in a perfect balance.

“I still had my own labor gown, yoga ball, my doula, my partners (husband + sister) and my photographer. I spent my entire labor focusing on every video and class I had ever participated in. I repeated affirmations in my head over and over. ‘Loose jaw… loose cervix.’ ‘I can do anything for a minute.’ ‘Each surge brings my baby closer.’ My Doula refocused me when I needed it and applied counter pressure while my husband held onto me from start to finish. I had the most wonderful nurses who listened to every request I had. They never once tried to tell me I didn’t understand my body.”

K very quickly brought into the world her first daughter. A girl. Born into support. Born into integrity and autonomy. Born by the strength of a woman. It was so beautiful and humbling to be witness to a village helping to heal wounds.

K embraces her daughter for the first time.

But that should have happened at her first birth. There shouldn’t have been wounds to heal. There shouldn’t have been fear and anxiety and distrust. If women belong in all places where decisions are being made, then why is women’s most powerful space one where their own decisions are so frequently discounted? I’m so lucky to have developed a friendship with K in the months since her daughter was born. We have spoken about many things from music to cooking, favorite books and everything in between. Yet we always return to birth, and more specifically the injustice of the birth culture we have.

What can we do, then, to change things? We can vote. We can do research on which state and federal politicians support women’s bodily autonomy, which medical providers and hospitals encourage patients voices to be heard. Most importantly, though, we can talk about it. Ask mothers in your life what their experiences were with birth. Speak to men about the births they’ve witnessed, mothers they know and women they love. Speak to people of different races and backgrounds about how their experiences may differ from the experiences of others. Speak about birth. Speak about mothers.

We have the greatest power. Girl power. And we need to use it to make birth safer for our fellow women.